Feeling Kind of Blu​(​EP​)​: Exiled in My Mind

by Pensive

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about

Despite the sound of the album title, this is a project about creativity, happiness and the artistic nature of hip hop's complex language. Part ode to the LA duo Blu & Exile, part self expression of the Pensive Mind that created it, this lyrical exploration is the newest to come out of the Milkhouse Recording studio.

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released January 18, 2014

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Track Name: 1. Maybe One Day (feat. Naomi Flores)
maybe
one day
i can
show you
maybe
one day
you can
know
X2

started out with a dream, i can picture the scene
i was just a young kid thinking of schemes
my lifes goals ahead, it wasn't accidental
that i spoke on everything, never kept it instrumental
the path kept changing, every couple years
switch life, switch wife switch both of my careers
thought i'd play for the bulls, then maybe the lakers
like kobe and shaq back when they were my favorite
then i moved to the east cost and i couldn't help it
fell in love with the sox, patriots and the celtics
put my skateboard away, and I switched to the snow
i instantly froze when the winter was cold
still i kept playing ball, every minute i had
indoor, outdoor no limit to that
pick up in the summer, mini metro for fall
school team, AAU, man i went to it all

maybe
one day
i can
show you
maybe
one day
you can
know
X2

Started out ninth grade in school as the new kid
Skipped math one didn't know how to do it
Just pretended I knew so I that could get through
But i till got an A I was that kind of student
and kept playing some ball, point guard on the school team
Mostly rode the bench I had given up fools dreams
Of making it pro, I was taking it slow
Deciding what was next knew my fate would just grow
The more that I knew and the better I was rated
So I always studied hard for the letters that were graded
I still liked to learn  but I was waiting my turn
To find the kind of passion that's making you burn
With ambition to succeed and desire to start fast
Shouldn't have been surprised that it happened in art class
the first time I was proud of the work that I made
Then I showed it to my teachers didn't hurt that they raved

maybe
one day
i can
show you
maybe
one day
you can
know
X2

Sittin my room looking out at the sunset
Thinking bout life and the things i aint done yet
I wanna be a rapper and industrial designer
I wanna find a girl that I can love without the finer
Print about her needyness don't want to sound so greedy it's
Simply what I'm looking for, I'd probably like to cook some more
and travel round the world a couple times when we book the tour
I don't want the fame don't who you think you took me for
but I've already traveled and I'm always in the kitchen
With a girl that makes me feel like there is nothing that is missing
And when I'm not in studio working on designs
I'm in the other studio murdering these rhymes
Honestly I'm living in the moment I've been waiting for
So i think that what comes next is to own it and then take it forward
look at whats ahead of me without all of the stress
and try not to forget that I'm lucky and im blessed
Track Name: Letter
letter in a bottle floating on the lake at night
no particular direction, but the pace is right
lyrics flowing slowly in the current and the moon
hoping there is someone who has heard it and approves

when i get in the booth , its like a letter to you
i promise to be honest so it better be true
it feels good like when your little momma fed you the soup
when its cold out always made sure that your sweater is new
makes you smile like you're lucky when you're getting some news
or waking up on sunday making breakfast for two
with some berries in the pancakes, bacon on the stove top
sun is shining bright, shorty's naked looking so hot
in nothing but some slippers and my crooks and castle tee
pouring me some coffee she keeps looking back at me
don't know what i would say if i was honest with her
is this just a fling will something longer occur?
her clothes don't mean a thing theres nothing wrong with the shirt
but this is just me thinking lets get on with this verse
let me talk a bit about this letter that i'm writing you
i mentioned it on do da do, it better be exciting you
i said i'd never stop, i'd spend every single night with you
and when a problem came, i would weather through the strife with you
but then what i remembered was the reason why i entered
in this field of hip hop, its the seed that caught my interest
it grew into a hobby, after that became a passion
and i was thinking probably i won't ever get to cash in
but that wasn't the point, i just did it cus i loved it
so i didn't really care about when anybody snubbed it
i still won't make a promise or prediction about pensive
or any other part of life except that its expensive
to get your way until the day you're lying in the ground
every moment in the deep has no timing its profound
so whats it really matter that i'm rhyming all my sounds
or whether when we die will be flying in the clouds
so whats it really matter that i'm rhyming all my sounds
or whether when we die will be flying in the clouds
Track Name: 3. Breaking Through
we take the new
mix the old
stay faithful, true
can't fit the mold
can't wait for you
our history told
so we're breaking through
we're breaking through


i've been writing sincere since the first day i've been here
been weird, breathe a little heavy like theres thin air
cus I'm running on these tracks like the ends near
and i'm skilled with a pen like i'm Sinclair
Lewis gotta do this or its Upton of the same name
they're both writers so i'm speaking in the same vein
i'm trynna open up like i'm leaking from a main vein
bleeding on these beats till i'm heaving and the pains drained
but i still really love it so its easier to maintain
than to change games, leave and try to gain fame
all i wanted in this music was to change lanes
blur the lines that are boxing in the main frame
Main stream gangrene this river needs a name change
i'll be over there sneakers never looking plain jane
dressed in all blue its no secret i don't gang bang
i'm just another artist who was dancing when the rain came

we take the new
mix the old
stay faithful, true
can't fit the mold
can't wait for you
our history told
so we're breaking through
we're breaking through

break through verse two, take new
aim true, words true, name two
artists who could do this using only one heart
its harder cus this music is just only one part
beat knocks hard enough to see spots, tree tops
only thing i'm looking down at from my sweet spot
let the heat drop, never let it rise past me
putting words together with the letters i'm crafty
prepared enough fear not scared of what could be
up here so much clear air that i can breathe
new skies my blue eyes can see behind the clouds
views fine as long as you can see above the crowd
and even if their loud you'll be free from under shroud
on their knees is when they shout "theres no reason for your doubt"
but i think that doubt is wise in this ever changing world
can't see my future coming so i better stay and learn

we take the new
mix the old
stay faithful, true
can't fit the mold
can't wait for you
our history told
so we're breaking through
we're breaking through
Track Name: 4. Heart & Soul
they ask me what i’m doing
they only see in 2 D
i say i put my heart and soul in everything that moves me
i’m mastering this music
though half of it is useless
still i put my heart and soul in it until the day i lose it

they say your eyes are windows through which to see your soul
and mine are flecked with gold, so what’s that meaning hold?
they’re probably just mutations deep inside my dna
and they’ve got no correlation as to why i see this way
but sometimes it makes me wonder why i’ve got that in my denim
i mean genes, apologies, sometimes its seems these word i bend them
i guess mistakes are just a trait that fate cannot erase
but if you face the facts it seems your fate could be erased
and rewritten every minute cus no moment is predictable
whats missing from my vision is a presence of the mystical
the fictional, the magical, i picture it theatrical
a stage a way that separates from mixing with the actual
perceivable and factual, its just another obstacle
between you and the truth of it that makes it so impossible
to know what you’re perceiving when you’re seeing through a spectacle
like saying you can feel the love beating through your ventricles
in your heart, you play the part
claiming that you made this art right there from the start
no connections and no thought just blood inside you’re muscle
now you want this to be bought tell me thats not a hustle
never focused on the problem or the puzzle you’re just selfish
only play for green like bill russell on the celtics
i play because i like to beat the struggle and it helps if
my mind is never resting like the buckle on my belt is
skinny but my flow is juiced, chugging on some welches
trynna show you life is sweet wonder if you felt this?

they ask me what i’m doing
they only see in 2 D
i say i put my heart and soul in everything that moves me
i’m mastering this music
though half of it is useless
still i put my heart and soul in it until the day i lose it
X2

can you really lose a heart or does it just degrade
i heard that you can fall in fast and love until it breaks
i don't know i haven't done it but i wonder what it takes
to make you feel as low as if the gutters in your face
and what about the soul i can't understand the faith
that once i die a part of me's still hovering in space
or headed to a destination chosen by another
that depending on the stories leaves you frozen cold or sunburned
with hateful heat no place for grief when judgement is your method
just fear as motivation and a covenant based on guesswork
not trynna be the shepherd, but c'mon people lets work
to put our minds together like we're always going headfirst
don't know if i believe in souls or how i would define it
just know that when i care enough i put some thought behind it
i say my heart and soul so i can help you understand
but really its my pensive mind that makes me who i am
helps me know i'm never sure and makes me be a better person
so when i look back on my life i know just when its worth it
know when i have it perfect so when it starts to worsen
i know i can't make changes if never put the work in
cus failure could be lurking and plotting when to score
or dressed as opportunity and knocking at your door
and when it comes inside, you'll be dropping on the floor
but not in the position like you're talking to the lord
you'll be lying theres no way to know you walk and then you soar
no way to know the waters if you're walking on the shore
i do know you can't bring a thing that you bought from the store
cus even if you pay for it the coffin isn't yours
a box to keep your body in like socks are in the drawer
cus both are just as lifeless when the clock has run its score
so i'll just keep on rocking i don't often wish for more
til i give this world my two like the opposite of war
Track Name: 5. Thoughts & Hands
Even if intent is disguised a mans spirit
Is transparent, look for his plans you can hear it,
uh, look at his hands you stand near it
the heart of who he is as a man it stands clear with
Just a couple clues like the knuckle wounds of a fighter
or supple tools of a tradesman or subtle smooth of a writer
But oh shit so quick what a bruise and its brighter
A couple hues those knuckles do bring trouble fueling the fire
Whose heat will be remembered as the people see the embers
Some record the temperature while others seek to enter
Politicians gesture while the lawyers spit conjecture
telling you the reason why they know whats in the center
Artists recreate the flames display them to public
Designers seek to use it while dismayed they couldn't touch it
soldiers fight with bigger flames but they don't move with hidden aims
those who do the chosen few just laugh to them its just a game
See hands can be destructive force when guns and swords and fists are used
But such a horde is needed when the fucked up lord won't fit the noose
they also are creative, bringing order to the chaos
showing what we thought was godly sort of like a seance
they heal and write, they fold and pray
they break and hurt they hold the chains
they open wide and close to fists
our thoughts and hands are close as this
Track Name: 6. Shapes & Colors
i really love this music i don't do it for the sake of others
when you make it true to you some people really hate to love ya
some people really hate to love ya
if you wanna ride along just come with me i'll take the rudder
it would honestly be harder for me to just make it dumber
best that i could do for you is break it down to shapes and colors
break it down to shapes and colors
class is not in session but my brain is not on break for summer

i can’t understand why all these people hate the kid
its obvious i’m great at this, these lines i’m always straight with it
but they just pointing fingers trynna figure out what shape he is
try to change my angle can’t coordinate i break the grid
no way that i’m a triangle, i never had a cosign
but i flow rhymes like magic on the lakers this is show time
cannot be a square cus i’m always thinking out the box
time is in my corner i could do this shit around the clock
but put that square up to the light, and rotate it enough
you’ll see that i am shining like a diamond in the rough
man that has a certain ring to it i guess i’ve come full circle
a beehives got some sting to it those hexagons can hurt you
get your hand up out the honey, you can’t take this thing from me
make loops around these other guys like damn its just so funny
i am mixing arts like martial man i should be in an octogon
but when i see the red ones i don't ever want to stop for long

Chorus
i really love this music i don't do it for the sake of others
when you make it true to you some people really hate to love ya
said some people really hate to love ya
if you wanna ride along just come with me i'll take the rudder
it would honestly be harder for me to just make it dumber
best that i could do for you is break it down to shapes and colors
break it down to shapes and colors
class is not in session but my brain is not on break for summer

sip some red or white wine from an clear cup while i write rhymes
put some green between the stars that shine all through the night time
i'm feeling somewhat blue until i rewind with the blue dream
while i sit below the heavens and i see time in a new scene
eve klein with a new hue, if your behind what i view through
im positive that you knew, that if you want to do you
you simply gotta follow through on everything that moves you
so what can do da do for you like brown at U.P.S.
like brown thats in the maple s-y-r then u-p next
that colors what your talking all i hear is you B.S
while you try to paint the town red, i'mma paint the sky blue
and the grass green, mix forest with an olive and a lime hue
you want to find the other side but i will never try to
i've got the golden sun without the clouds of gray in my view
with an orchard full of apricots and oranges ripe to pick
in the middle theres the purple plums and peaches like a pit
Track Name: 7. Glass Of Wine (feat. LoKi & Nina Pelligra)
Outside the snow falls in a violent blizzard
It's a sign of winter but I'm fine to sit in
Side and sip a little white wine with dinner
As the fire simmers I admire the mixture
Slowly Twirl the glass, to check the legs
Surely Pour the last, but not the dregs
Smell it then you sip you can see the ritual
I'm embellishing this liquid but nothing here is fictional
drinking Cabernet or maybe Pinot noir
I had a bad today but I can see tomorrow
everything could change it will be a little better
i know the sun will shine i didn't even check the weather
Cus there's nothing like a fine wine and you know sometimes
You gotta give your mind time to simply unwind

sipping on a glass of wine
sipping on a glass of wine

i love to sip liquor on the rocks
but it doesn't top, sipping on a glass of wine
sitting passing the time,
digging in on what whip up in the kitchen,
laughing and dining smiling as the fine drink
slides into my stomach and it comes with
some fresh mesculin lettuce and beats,
i sprinkle in some sesame seeds
it all settles in me, dissolves to energy
thats sent to my head and to each edge of me
i feel alive, like when i pedal my feet on my bike
step to a speed where i can lead a life
with a glass of wine in the heat of the night
happilly rhyming
with a glass of wine just happilly rhyming
Track Name: 8. A Place (Art Indicates Life) (feat. LoKi)
to my, creative souls, right brained individuals
i wish that we could make the rules life change in the physical
my art is analytical tight rein on the literal
mixed with my emotions which you might say is the spiritual
you might say that it imitates the life that we are given
but i'd say that it indicates the right way to be living
might bring in a renaissance, be part a revolution
if so i guess i'll lend my thoughts, the start of evolution
was a single deviation from the one that tried before
the difference between walls and locks is you can pry the door
and open up your thoughts to change, even if its not the same
i might be lost and gone insane but i know i still got my brain
its always filled with thoughts and dreams never stop the racing
my mind is lost in schemes and the top is what i'm chasing
but the pinnacle i'm sending for will never have an ending goal
my vision can be plenty bold, stretched out like center fold

I think that theres a place
I hope that theres a place
I think that theres a place
I hope that theres a place

i've been grinding for a minute and i'm trynna find a different
road to travel faster cuss my destinations distant
but every time i come to a route path or avenue
i'm thinking to myself that my youth has to matter too
i think that theres a place that you have to travel to
the road is missing signs but you have to battle through
you have to battle through
i think i found a place that you have to travel to

I think that theres a place
I hope that theres a place
I think that theres a place
I hope that theres a place

i'm positive i have no charge
cus like a god i live far from are concept of time
i can go on and on with the rhymes,
cus my songs all arrive
by direct messages from my genius
i belong on the record with yeezus
and deserve the respect given jesus
because i let myself be this,
mirror for the rest of you to see it,
that which matters most,
the specific pattern of your soul,
your unique, you have an important part to play,
if you haven't thought about the road on which you go
start today, don't worry about the journey
follow your passions and grow,
make art create on your path as you own the space where you flow

i've been grinding for a minute and i'm trynna find a different
road to travel faster cuss my destinations distant
but every time i come to a route path or avenue
i'm thinking to myself that my youth has to matter too
i think that theres a place that you have to travel to
the road is missing signs but you have to battle through
you have to battle through
i think i found a place that you have to travel to

I think that theres a place
I hope that theres a place
I think that theres a place
I hope that theres a place

on the path the mastery, practice rapidly, act with passion we
..have half the apathy, laugh at tragedy, dash of blasphemy
i'm a mass of gravity, don't fuck with me i wont lack the chastity
on the track i have to be working till i die or i craft a masterpiece
then switch games and mix lanes and blow that out the water
wont fixate that its fate, just know that with some harder
effort and direction i could lessen the depression
of creativity, when my questions would be mentioned
see blu and Ex looked up with their message to the heavens
but i'm just looking forward, not in space but in the next one
the fourth D the third eye perceives and that is time
which forced me to learn why we need that in our minds
to remember our mistakes all our failures we have had
to grow from its a trait something rare that we can grasp
internalize the lessons and I'm sure that you could grow
and turn your lives to blessings to the world with what you know
Track Name: 9. We Stand (feat. LoKi)
there he stands shaking hands with his fans
its the man with the plan, he's got stans who've got stans
all because he sits and makes stanzas with style
get the people off the stands and go and dance for a while
showing half of a smile, but after a while
you can tell that when he does it there is laughter inside
stoic poet laureate, not worried bout how far he get
a surrogate to socialists who swears that he's not sorry yet
i'm sorry if i lost you there i just got tossed through lofty air
its hard to keep how artists speak from mixing with my dossier
i'm never feeling awkward here but often have that problem
when i'm talking to a common peer my words are lost forgotten
on the beat i'm like auctioneer with speed and with dexterity
but when i share my music they just treat me like its charity
thats fine i haven't sold a thing don't need you to be there for me
my positivity's so strong its seeping in the air we breathe

we stand two feet
you'll never break us never knock us down
these hands, move free
you'll never take it never knock it down

you'll never break it won't take its not tangible
the mental not the animal, a state of mind im planning to
be bigger than the bullshit, a minotaur in miniature
kids a star at pinnacle, not sinister or cynical
I finish all my intervals, i'm ready to be on my way
my apple makes a song a day i hope that keeps the doc away
cuss honest-lay i'm tired, i keep telling you i'm starting now
so far from child, smarter style, not harvard like but stardom bound
we both making mosaic but i'm working with a larger tile
see the bigger picture that we all can be a part of now

we stand two feet
you'll never break us never knock us down
these hands, move free
you'll never take it never knock it down

as a child, i frowned as i peeked out at each
town and city
now i see these sights and sounds were each
signs like a browning leaf that life
in time will lead to death, and dying is
eased by finding the peace within in you,
so i dive into the deepest depths of my
tiny shining piece of this mighty dream
seeking the breadth of possibilities
by freeing my next odd soliloquy
and by believing each step is test
of this gods abilities,
blessed when i let things be and i rest
i'm often awed that i caught the imagery
because i'm not off in the sea sitting and fishing
i stand thinking on my grand vision
glancing at the sands sitting in my hands, slipping in time
and the lands shifting giving me a chance to bring them
pan's wisdom, this is one mans mission giving out
never a simple sound, singing, they can't bring us, down
they can't bring us down,